Facades

I'm never going to get anywhere, right?

I will be lost forever?
It's rather sad considering how much time has gone by.

A pathetic loser.
I never knew the meaning until today.

The depression has gotten so bad that I yearn to be alone,
so I can cry at no end because I have no one.
I want to get rid of everybody in my life so I can weep?

Does this all make me retarded.. in a medical terminology.

Literally retarded?

I'm so unhappy.. I don't want to cry anymore.
I don't want to push people who matter away from me.
But I'm trapped in a void.

It's neverending and the bad part is...

I'm feeding it's vein to keep it alive.

I'm dwelling in a ball of darkness that I've created
and GOD forbid, any man who comes close with one speck
of light, will be blown back.

Just so I can dwell in the darkness.

It sounds like a ridiculous superhero movie.
Can I die already?
Can I be reborn with a second chance?
A second chance to love?
A second chance to inspire?
A second chance to truly be happy?

The facade is too old, and it's crumbling..
my core is showing more and more,
day after day , and it has gotten to a point in my life
where I have forgotten how old I am.

It slapped me when I heard myself say 22.

I still feel like I am 15, when it all started, and my innocence
was taken away from me.

I'm so angry..
so fucking hurt, because I can't get it back.

I can't make people love me.
I can't make myself stop hurting.
I can't go back in time.
I can't change.
I can't breathe.
I can't see.
I can't..

I can't..

I can't..
When all I ever really want to do is LIVE.

I'm shrouded in so much evil, it's impossible to
forgive
forget
change.