Honestly this feeling is a bit horrendous. Feeling like something completely different than what I am. Even the way I look is different than how I want it to be in my mind.
It's quite sad.. I never thought I'd go through an identity crisis in my life but it is something that I have felt for a long ass time. Always hated who I was, what I look like, and everything around me and about me. For years having to deal with this makes me think I will never get over it and love myself. I'm going to always cry. I'm always going to be in pain. I'm always going to hate myself, and nothing is going to change that.
I don't even see myself having this family that I have.. Whilst I love my mother dearly, forever & always.. I feel like she shouldn't have been my mother.
If I was supposed to have this life then maybe I shouldn't have been able to live. I don't even know what to say about that anymore. I'm not happy. I'm not content nor will I ever be so long as I look this way, live this way, feel this way.
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